Good Grief; Birth Order by Emily De Angelis

Good Grief

You found your mother last night

late in the cold autumn darkness.

Hauled her in from the shed

wrapped in a thread bare comforter,

cold and hard.

Skin sallow.

Feet black.

Your father too—

as always

found beside her—

in a black bag,

carried

on your sister’s back.

Heavy.

Dense.

Rotting.

You grabbed your phone

and tried to call

You-Got-Junk,

but couldn’t find

the number.

Your mother moaned then,

struggling in her tightly wound

cocoon.

Her eyes opened,

blinked once,

twice,

confused.

Startled

you tried to dial 9-1-1

but your fingers

couldn’t push the buttons.

Couldn’t get the right order

of three little digits

before you woke up

from a dream she’s not dead in.

Birth Order

I perch on a random tombstone fuming at his tardiness. My brother had one job to do—bring Mother to the cemetery for noon. I took care of the rest:  gravedigger, priest, stone engraver, caterer. And now a crowd of people are gathered around an empty hole, freezing in the early spring wind. The heels on my new black suede Kate 85 Louboutin pumps are caked in mud. Someone suggests starting a fire. Most people snigger at the remark. What would mother think?

ambitious

successful over achiever

first born

I am late. The story of my life. A faulty alternator on an old clunker and I’m stuck on the side of the road. I call my sister and tell her what’s going on. She is not happy. Is she ever though? Mother is sitting on the back seat, fortunately saying nothing.

unrooted

middle child

black sheep

I am dead. I didn’t think I’d be gone so soon. In a way, though, I am grateful for the break—for the pause on disappointment and stress. His intentions, I know, are always good. But lately I wonder what he will amount to. Jobless, homeless if I didn’t let him live in my basement. Not a thing like his sisters. I know parents shouldn’t compare their children, but…

dashing between graves

urn clutched in her son’s hands

late for her own funeral

***previously published under the title ‘Black Sheep’ in terra north/nordVol. 1 Issue 1 2021 Gathering/La Réunion by Greater Sudbury Poet Laureate, 2021