Gumshoe Gus: The Case of the Stolen Ad Jingle by Jon Moray

His name was Jasper Jangle. He was the self-proclaimed master of the jingle for all area businesses. He crept into my office as if he was serenaded by the sad clown of life and felt his life was worse.

My name is Gustavo Gottem, better known as Gumshoe Gus, private eye in a one-horse town called Lone Pony. I was in the middle of a dream that I had insomnia when the creak of the door opening woke me from my slumber.

"How can I help you, Jingle Jangle?" I yawned.

"That's Jasper Jangle, and I need your expert services," Jasper huffed, and let his chin drop to his chest.

Jasper explained he had written a jingle that was rejected by Patty's Push Pin and Paper Clip Emporium a month ago but then premiered on the radio advertising her wares last night.

"It's my jingle, Gumshoe, but with a few changed lyrics," Jasper stammered, in a fury. Jasper commented he stormed into the store demanding an explanation, only for Patty to tell him there was a sale on post-it notes. "Patty denied everything and even hummed the jingle to really rub it in," Jasper fumed. "Gumshoe, I need you to get to the bottom of this and prove my case. I got royalties riding on it."

"I'll see what I can do," I assured Jasper, without a clue how to begin this unique case. Jasper was a bit of an oddball, which made him a perfect fit in this quirky rich town. He had been down in the dumps since his song "We Didn't Need Pop Tarts But You Bought Them Anyway" was rejected by several small independent record companies. I thought the tune was a toe-tapper and a finger-snapper, but those whose opinions mattered concluded it was a piece-of-crapper. I suggested he changed the song title and lyrics for a better reception, but he refused, and his pop tart song ended up being toast.

I didn't have much to go on, but I surmised whoever stole the jingle must've heard Jasper play it several times, and I filed that bit of reasoning under brilliant deduction number five hundred and seventy-three. I decided to pay a visit to Patty's to do some sniffing around and hopefully gain some traction on this caper. Patty was at the entrance greeting customers. She wasn't usually so cordial, but a new business opened just up the road named Pop's Post-Its, Pens, and Pencils and this instant competition had Patty scrambling.

"Hi Gumshoe, care for post-its? I have a big sale on them," Patty cheered, while handing me a sample. I smirked a hello, retrieved a pen from my shirt pocket, wrote on the paper, and stuck it on her forehead. It read 'Stealing jingles is not good for business.' She removed it and snarled, "How dare you accuse me of plagiarism?"

"It was just a statement. I didn't accuse you of anything."

Patty crossed her arms and wrinkled her face in disapproval. "Better watch out, Patty; Jasper just might compose a jingle for Pop's that may sway business his way," I warned, and tipped my fedora as my exit, but not without catching her reacting with a wide-open mouth with eyes to match.

I went back to my office and found Jasper waiting outside. "Hi Gumshoe. I remembered one detail that might be a clue," Jasper admitted. I nodded for him to continue.

"Two months ago, when I was arranging the jingle that I later presented to Patty, the maintenance guy in my condo complex entered and said he was inspecting plumbing for all the units. He was in my home for about a half-hour and must've heard me practice the jingle at least five times. I overheard him whistling the melody on his way out."

"That just may be the break I was looking for," I exclaimed. I informed my musical friend I set a trap for Patty via a friendly competitive jingle battle. Jasper leaned forward in his chair, excited about the notion. I suggested he take his pop tarts song and change the lyrics to promote Pop's business. Jasper slumped back in his chair, deflated at my urging.

"C'mon, Jasper. We didn't need Post-its but you bought them anyway. I think Pop will love it and Patty gets her just rewards in the form of lost business." Jasper looked to his left, to his right, and to his left again, as if listening intently to both the good and evil in him.

"It's worth a shot. I'll do it," he nodded. The next day, Jasper got cracking on new lyrics for his beloved song. He picked up his guitar and began putting words to music. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. The maintenance guy announced he was checking the electricity in all units, and he needed immediate entry. Jasper let him in and began playing for the duration of the visit. When the maintenance guy left, Jasper phoned me. I hurried over, and had Jasper meet me at my vehicle for an impromptu stake out. Jasper was all to eager to tag along, riding shotgun.

"He lives in one of the units across the street. We are in the perfect spot to catch him coming and going. He might be home now."

I decided to encroach on the perspective perpetrator's front door and determine if I could hear anything from the outside. Jasper followed and we had ears to the door. There was silence until we heard guitar strumming. Moments later, the music began.

"That's my song. He stole it," Jasper whispered.

"Yes, I recognize it," I said, squinting my eyes to hear more, as if that helped.

"What do we do now?"

"Now we wait until he leaves and then we follow him. I have a feeling he will be headed to Patty's." We returned to my car and waited about two hours and then spotted the mystery man exit his unit. He was carrying his guitar on his way to his sports car. We followed unnoticed, as he drove into the parking lot at the shopping center where Patty conducted business. The man entered, caught contact with Patty, and they headed toward the back of the store as an employee covered for her in the front.

Jasper and I entered, pretending to shop for paper clips as we nosed toward the back office. We could hear the guitar strumming as we neared. The music began, and I knocked on the door as if I was part of a SWAT team. Patty opened up and gasped, as the music stopped.

The maintenance man looked away, dejected, as Patty struggled for words.

"I needed to come up with something to offset the grand opening of Pop's Post-Its, Pens, and Pencils. Money hungry capitalism and competition got the best of me, and I was too cheap to pay for your talents on short notice. I will pay for your jingle with retroactive royalties. Can you ever forgive me?"

Jasper wiggled his brooding pursed lips, biding time for affect before answering. "I forgive you, Patty. We could've worked out a deal if you couldn't afford it at the time."

The maintenance guy apologized as well and cursed under his breath for allowing Patty to put him up to the lyrical larceny.

I drove Jasper back home, with idle chatter entertaining us. "Jasper, your pop tarts song did bear fruit by exposing a crime that complemented your music, and you didn't need to change the words after all."

"Maybe I'll change the lyrics and title. How this? "We Didn't Need a Private Eye, But You Hired One Anyway," he chuckled, followed by a patronizing ha-ha from me.

The case of The Stolen Ad Jingle was solved, Jasper Jangle was yet another satisfied client, and all was well in the one-horse town called Lone Pony.