Irish Blarney by Tony Dawson

Irish Blarney

Liam and Mick had hatched a plan.

They needed some cash for they were broke.

They used to care for an older man

who’d died that day of a massive stroke.

Liam went to collect his pension,

“for the man himself’s too ill to come.”

The clerk in the office paid no attention.

“He has to come. It’s a tidy sum,

I’m not allowed to give it to you.”

So, Liam went home to confer with Mick.

They supported the corpse—whose face was blue—

as if he were drunk. Were they able to pull off the trick?

When one of the young men asked for payment,

The clerk in the office refused again.

“All requests have to come from the claimant.”

The young men let go of the corpse to explain.

The body collapsed and dropped to the floor.

Mick and Liam both screamed in horror.

Mick turned white and Liam swore

under his breath, “Begosh and begorrah!”

“We said he was ill and unable to come,

you could see he was poorly, just as we said.

But you insisted. See what you’ve done.

Our dear old friend has fallen down dead.

You’d best call the Gardai. We’re going to sue.

You made him come, so his death is on you!”