What Goes Around by Sharon Frayne

Feet braced, Bit looks up at me, wide-eyed, wisps of hair escaping from her tight braids. “I don’t want to.” 

            In front of us, the park entrance sign says, ‘Welcome to Santa’s Summer Home.’ Crimson-petaled flowers spill over the cobblestones ahead, and lights sparkle in the pine trees. Boisterous holiday tunes blare from hidden speakers.

“It’ll be fun, Bittie! Let’s go.”

            My 3-year-old granddaughter won’t move. I kneel, wincing as my knee moans. When I peer into her face, she wears a look of terror.

            “It’s okay, honey. While we look for Santa, we’ll go on rides. If we’re good girls, he brings presents!”

            “I want to see Santa.”

            “Let Nana fix your hat so you don’t get sunburned.”

            I tie a floppy-brimmed blue hat under her chin, adjust her oversized purple sunglasses, and smooth her Disney princess t-shirt.

            “What do you want Santa to bring?”

            Hands on hips, she says, “I want Pink.”

            “Pardon? Nana doesn’t understand.”

            “I want Pink!”

            “Well, okey-dokey! Me too!”

            In a clearing ahead an antique carousel appears, and an organ chimes a haunting, wobbly tune. A menagerie of painted animals drift on a revolving platform.

            When I point, my voice is artificially perky. “Have you ever been on a merry-go-round?”

            Bit digs in her heels. “I want to see Santa!”

            The music dies. The carousel rolls to a stop, then empties. Taking a deep breath, I hoist Bit onto my hip and join the line-up. 

            “Trust me, you’ll love it.”

            When a staff member wearing a green elf costume opens the gate, Bit shakes her head, and buries her face in my chest.

            Ignoring her pout, I grunt, “This’ll be fun. Which animal do you want to ride? The horsey… the giraffe…”

            Bit points at a red sleigh with a fixed seat.

            “But that doesn’t do anything.”

            Her bottom lip quivers, and her eyes shine.

            We weave through the labyrinth of beasts, then climb onto the padded bench. A bell rings, music starts, the carousel swirls, but Bit curls against me, thumb in her mouth.

 One arm around her, I scan the waiting crowd. An attractive grey-haired man wearing a bright red t-shirt catches my eye.

Seth? 

Beside him stands a boy holding a cone of candyfloss. My heart lurches.

No! 

  I hug Bit closer. It can’t be.

As our speed increases, the faces blur. Round and round we spin. Then the music dies, we roll to a stop, and Bit clamours out of the sleigh.

Still feeling uneasy, I take her hand. “Wasn’t that fun?”

            “I want to see Santa.”

“We’ll find him. Now, let’s try some other rides.”

Over the next hour, I coax her onto various attractions until finally we’re at Santa’s Magical Sleigh. It’s a painted ship with reindeer figurines.

“Hold Nana’s hand.” At first Bit cuddles, then she stands on the seat to watch the ripples outside the open window. I warn, “You aren’t wearing a life jacket,” and make her sit.

Afterwards, she runs ahead on the path.

“Wait…I can’t keep up!”

She ignores me.

When Bit stops at the reindeer enclosure, Blitzen wanders up and nudges the fence.

“I want to feed the deer!”

A paper cone stuffed with corn costs two dollars, and Bit shoves it through the chain-link. The kernels spill. Blitzen rubs his antlers against the wire and knocks off her sunglasses. They break on the pavement, and he saunters away, tail switching.

Bit’s face crinkles. “He doesn’t like me.”

“It’s all right, Bittie.”

“He broke my glasses!” She stomps her foot.

  “He likes little girls. He’ll come back later.” As a distraction, I point out a distant red-roofed cabin. “We’re almost at Santa’s Workshop.”

A loud blast makes us jump. Nearby, a miniature train chugs the track between a safety barricade. The engineer waves his hat to clear smoke away.

I gasp theatrically and grab Bit’s hand. “See… it’s a choo-choo ride! After that, we’ll find Santa and tell him you’re a good girl.”

  “A very good girl.”

“Just like Nana. Let’s go!”

We join a throng of families shuffling towards the boarding platform.

Bit breaks away. “Don’t wanna train ride. I wanna see Santa!” A red lollipop bribes her back. She sucks until her tongue’s red when she sticks it out. It’s funny and I laugh.

Then she climbs onto a split-rail fence where other kids are fooling around while they wait. I move along to the loading platform, then ease my butt onto a bench where I can watch her play. I’m worn out.

And then beside me, the man in the red t-shirt turns. “Well . . . hellooooo there, darlin’.” That familiar husky voice and musty apple smell of his breath makes my skin crawl.

“Mae!” He leans close. “Haven’t seen you since you retired. You still look fantastic.” 

“Seth.” My gut twists at his proximity and stare. I can hardly breathe. “Wow—gosh—” I stand up. I need to leave.

The crowd’s tightly packed, I can’t move. So, I sit down, holding myself stiff to keep a space between us. My throat’s tight, but I fake a laugh and say, “What a surprise…what are you doing here?”

“Brought my son to see Santa. You?”

  “On holiday with my granddaughter…” I glance at Bit straddle-bouncing on the fence. “Sorry. . . she’s getting restless…I should head out . . .”

He bumps my shoulder. “She’s fine. That’s my boy beside her. He’ll take care of her.”

My skin crawls as his gaze wanders my face, my body.

“What’ve you been up to?” he says.

“Enjoying retirement and time with my family.” I sound old and prim.  “Have you retired, Seth?”

He shakes his head. “Still teaching. I’m a married man now. The wife’s a little younger. She’s having a girl’s spa day.” He places a hand on my bare knee and squeezes. “Good to see you.”

My skin crawls and I pull away. “Please remove your hand.”

“Come on—relax.” He leans close, sliding a hand up my thigh until his fingers tickle my shorts.

My pulse quickens.

He continues, “Do you still think about me?”

The tracks rumble, a whistle blows, and the train approaches the station. Fists clenched, I hiss, “Honestly, I try not to. But some days . . .”

I take a ragged breath. “I saw you. With those girls. Your students.”

My chest hammers, but I force myself to meet his eyes.

He jerks and glances around. “That’s total bullshit.”

“It’s not.” I’m burning up, but blurt, “And maybe one day—someone will find the courage to…”

He lifts a hand to shut me up. “Stop! I did nothing wrong. Times were different. You’re jealous because they were younger and prettier.”

“Don’t kid yourself.” I’m trembling, my stomach twists. “You’re a predator.” I swallow, and it’s bitter.

Mouth open, he shakes his head and pulls back.

“Here’s what I think—someone should turn you in.”

The train screeches to a halt and we’re interrupted by the conductor’s announcements. As the crowd surges forward, his son appears beside us. Seth leaps to his feet, grabs the boy’s arm and runs for an empty car. 

When I look around for Bit…she’s gone.

There’s a sharp stab in my chest. 

“Bit! Where are you?”

I yell again. No answer. Parents and kids shove by, grabbing the remaining seats. A woman pauses and points at the trail.

“There was a little girl… by herself… headed that way.”

Heart pounding, I run up the path, desperately calling. I bump into staff and alert them—waving my hands and describing Bit’s appearance.

A tattooed elf with long hair and a nose stud, sends a text to the office.

“Don’t worry Ma’am.” Her smile is kind. “Happens all the time. We’ll start a search. Kids always turn up—eating ice cream or feeding the deer.”

Fighting panic, I hurry along, screaming for Bit. My knee stabs. Disaster scenarios flash in my mind—Bit, crushed under a ride, Bit kidnapped by a stranger.

Near the river I stop, gasping. I think I’m going to throw up. 

At the water’s edge, a man lifts a floppy-brimmed blue hat.

It’s hers.

My knees buckle, and I drop to the ground overcome by an icy fog of images, sounds, voices.

God forgive me.

Then fingers squeeze my shoulder. 

The tattooed elf stands beside me. “Ma’am, I can help. Follow me.” She holds out a hand and helps me up.

In a trance I follow, silently begging the deities for Bit’s safety. 

When we reach the train depot, the engine toots an arrival. I turn to avoid seeing the passengers. The elf leads me past Blitzen, dozing in the shade of the reindeer enclosure.

At the spot where Bit spilled the corn, my stomach twists. Crushed shards of purple plastic are scattered on the path.

Near the log cottage, there’s a sign, ‘Santa’s Workshop’. A line-up of families stretches outside the entrance. 

From inside, a deep voice booms, “HO HO HO… Pink? Well, sweetheart, someone will help Santa understand.”

            “That’s Bit!”

Frantic, I shove to the exit door where children who’ve already seen Santa congregate, and barge indoors.

My eyes need a moment to adjust. It’s like being trapped in a familiar dream. In a shadowed corner, Mrs. Claus nods and rocks. Beside an unlit fireplace, an old man with red pants slumps in a throne-like chair. A little girl snuggles on his lap, strokes his white beard.

            Ohmigod… My hands fly to my mouth.

            Bit’s face lights up. “Nana! I found him!”

Blinking away tears, I stagger towards Santa.

“Oh Sweetheart, Nana was so worried…”

Bit tugs Santa’s velvet sleeve. “I want my present.”

Santa passes her over. Momentarily, I stagger under Bitt’s weight, then clutch her to my chest. Fighting for self-control, my words are choked. “Sweetheart, you’re a big girl… Nana can hardly hold you.” She wiggles, and I set her down.

She struts away and yanks on Mrs. Claus’s skirt. “I want my present.” 

Mrs. Claus lifts a pointy green cap from a basket. “You aren’t wearing a hat, so won’t this be fun?” she says. “You can be an elf.” 

When we leave, Bit skips ahead, green hat swaying. Overhead, there’s a whooooosssshhhh, and Rudolph’s Rollercoaster zooms by, full of screaming people. She twirls and points. “I wanna go on dat!”

“Not today, Bittie. We’ll come back when you’re older and bigger.”

“I am a big girl.” Bit stretches her arms out.

            Near the park exit, we hear the eerie carousel chimes. “Let’s do it again!” Bit yanks my hand. “Come on!”

My insides churn. I want to run away as fast as I can and never come back. But I force a smile and try to sound cheerful. “Okay. We can ride the big sleigh again.”

“Not dat one. I want to ride the lion. By myself!”

I stoop to examine Bit’s face. “Are you sure? It’s not too scary?” 

She stamps her foot. “I’m not afraid.”

The line-up moves quickly. Soon, we’re surrounded by empty-eyed wooden animals. I hoist Bit onto the saddle of a snarling lion. Bit’s face is tense. Her hands squeeze a golden pole that pierces the lion’s back and suspends her from the sky-blue domed ceiling. She takes a breath, waiting for a bell.

At the sound of nearby laughter, my attention diverts to a group outside Comet’s Café. 

Seth is there.

Flirting with an elf. Melted strawberry ice cream runs from his son’s chin and hands as he licks a cone. Seth gestures to him to pose behind the elf, with his head protruding between her bare legs. The boy obliges, wraps arms around her hips, then licks ice cream drips from her thigh.

I shudder, and whisper, “Be brave, Bit. Braver than Nana.”

She nods, so I step aside. A bell rings, organ music begins, the carousel lurches, and Bit giggles. As the carousel swirls, she waves and flies away from me.

And before I can think twice, I call the police.

Sharon Frayne’s award-winning stories and novels draw on a career working in education with families, teens and children of diverse abilities. Her writing celebrates friendship, belonging and the courage to face unexpected challenges. She’s the author of Caught Between the Walls, and The Sound of A Rainbow. Publications for 2027 include WEBS-Tales of Survival and Practikal Magick, published by Dark Winter Literary Press, and Hearts on Fire, Latitude 46.