You Drive A Hard Bargain by Christopher Butt

Canadian Prairies, 1950.

  When Robert Jacobs opened his eyes that morning, he knew it would be his last. He wasn’t sick or in pain; he just knew.

  He quietly pulled his strong seventy-year-old frame out of bed without disturbing his wife and walked to the bathroom. A quick shower and shave later improved his mood. He put on clean clothes and surveyed his look in the mirror. Satisfied, he went downstairs and made coffee.

  With a steaming cup of coffee in his hand, Robert walked through the living room, pausing at the wall of pictures. His wife had perfectly framed their lives from their marriage, kids, grandchildren, and more. A small tear slid down his cracked skin as he left his life and headed out the front door.

  As soon as he stepped on the veranda, he could smell the storm. He walked down the steps and gazed out at the wide-open fields. He could see the darkened clouds and knew it was only a matter of time before the funnel formed.

  The woman he called The Temptress was sitting in his favourite chair behind him. Robert turned and walked up the veranda steps and leaned against the railing.

  The Temptress smiled. “You’re looking good, Robert. Farming usually takes a toll.” 

  “Good living, I guess,” Robert said as he took a sip of his coffee.

  “Or, it could be the arrangement we have.”

  Robert stared at the woman. Black suit under a long leather coat. Her hair was dark with a sliver of grey down the middle. Fifty years on, she still looked the same.

  “Would you like some coffee?” Robert asked.

  “No,” she said as she lifted a full wine glass. “This will do just fine.”

  “I guess it’s never too early for you to be drinking,” Robert observed.

  The Temptress laughed and took a sip. After she replaced the glass, she said,

  “Well, it’s time. How would you like to fulfill your end of the deal?”

  Robert looked at the storm. He could see the funnel starting to form. He sighed, closed his eyes and turned his mind back fifty years.

                                                                                            ***

  He was only twenty-eight years old, a young wife, a child on the way and a farm that was just getting going. The house was only a month old and had taken every penny they had to build it. Now, the approaching storm was going to take it all away.

  “Hmmm. It looks like you’re in a bit of a pickle.”

  Robert turned to see a young woman dressed all in black with a long leather coat.

  “Living on the prairies has its risks. However, there is help if you need it.”

   “What the hell do you mean, help?” Robert asked.

  “Well, Hell does have something to do with it.”

  Robert was about to speak when he noticed her eyes. In an instant, he knew who she was and why she was there.

  “I didn’t think I was worthy enough to be tempted.”

  “Everyone is worthy of being tempted,” The Temptress said. “Of course, temptation comes in many forms and is never convenient.” She shifted her gaze toward the oncoming funnel cloud.

  Robert felt the rain on the back of his neck. He knew if the cloud struck his farm, everything would be lost. He closed his eyes.

  “What do you want?”

  “You know what I want," she replied.

  Robert paused. He turned and saw his wife in the window. She didn’t know about the storm yet.

  “That funnel cloud is getting pretty close.”

  Robert turned and stared at the storm. He felt his future being torn from him. The Temptress sensed this and stood beside him.  

  “OK, let’s sweeten the arrangement, shall we. Fifty years of prosperity. You will have a healthy life, many grandchildren and no disasters. How does that sound to you?”

  Robert closed his eyes. He gritted his teeth, and a thought came to him.

  “Alright, but only if my family is free of my arrangement. You can’t have them.”

  The Temptress walked a few steps in front of him and turned. The storm was gathering fury behind her. With menace she spoke. “First born.”

  “No! Me or nothing at all!" he yelled back over the howling wind.

  The Temptress turned back to the storm for a moment than back to Robert.

  “Fine,” she said extending her hand. “It’s a deal and I have to say Robert, you certainly drive a hard bargain.”

  He took her hand and shook it. With a smile, The Temptress raised her hand and snapped her fingers. Robert watched the funnel cloud change direction and head away from his land. When he turned back, The Temptress was gone.

                                                                                    ***

  Now, fifty years later, she stood behind him, holding her wine glass.

  “I made that agreement under duress.”

  “True, but some of our best business gets done that way.”

  “I guess the Hobarts' farm down the road was destroyed by that same storm. Did you have anything to do with that?”

  The Temptress shrugged. “That’s what happens when you turn down a good deal.”  

  “Also, shouldn’t I have signed a contract in blood or something.”

  She laughed. “That’s only in books or in the movies. A handshake or your word is all we need.” After taking a sip of wine she added, “So, how do you want to conclude this arrangement?”

  Robert stood staring at the funnel cloud. He turned and looked at the woman.

  “Really?” she asked. After a pause, she spoke. “Alright, that’s a new one for the books.” She snapped her fingers and in an instant, they were standing in front of the funnel cloud.

  Robert felt the rain and wind against his skin. His clothes were soaked. The Temptress was dry.  

  “Just make sure my family is safe after I’m gone. I don’t care about anything else.”

  “It’s a deal.”

  Robert turned and walked toward the storm. As he approached the funnel cloud, a bright light appeared. The Temptress screamed as Robert was picked up and thrown through the air. As he flew, a large man with wings came next to him and took his hand. Robert heard a voice in his head.

  “Smart choice. Selflessness always looks good on the resume. Welcome to the afterlife.”

  Robert closed his eyes and allowed himself to be pulled upward.

  The Temptress stood in the field and grunted, “Bastard.”

   As the funnel cloud shot off down the field, she shook her head.

  “Smart,” she sighed. “However a deal is a deal, and he pulled a fast one on me.”

  The Temptress walked towards the road where her car appeared, got in and drove to the neighbouring farm. She snapped her fingers and the funnel cloud changed direction to follow her. As she passed by Robert’s house, she smiled with some satisfaction that his wife would never see him again.

  “Alive, anyway,” she said to herself. “I should make a note to be there when she finds his body.”

  A few minutes later she arrived at the neighbouring farm. The Temptress pulled up to the front gate, exited the car and stood by the fence. She didn’t have to wait long.

  The farmer’s wife came running out and saw the cloud. The Temptress smiled as the wife turned toward the fields to see her husband running the tractor, panic on her face. The Temptress noticed a cross around the wife’s neck.

  “Hi, it seems you’re in a bit of pickle.”

  The farmer’s wife turned toward The Temptress, concern replacing panic. She saw the woman’s eyes.

  “I can tell that you know who I am and what I want. So, what do you say, no beating around the bush, fifty years of prosperity, healthy family and happiness?”

  The wife turned and saw the funnel cloud head toward her husband. When the wife didn’t answer, The Temptress added, “First born.”

  The wife opened her mouth to speak but paused and turned toward her husband. The Temptress could see that the wife was thinking hard about her decision.

  “Take my husband. The children can work the farm.”

   The Temptress raised her eyebrows at the answer. “That would be hard work for the little ones, wouldn’t it?”

  “We’ll sell the farm. You could make sure we get an excellent price, live easily.”

  The funnel cloud was coming closer. The husband noticed and was getting off the tractor.

  “Please, he doesn’t satisfy me, and I don’t love him anymore.”

  The Temptress considered the arrangement. The wife added, “Alright, after fifty years, you can take my less successful child. It will most likely be the oldest, he’s bone idle.”

  “OK,” the Temptress said. “For that and the husband, I will give you an extra fifteen years. Deal?”

  “Fifteen, for my husband and first born? That’s worth at least thirty.”

  “Twenty,” The Temptress countered.

  “Twenty-five,” The wife said looking at the funnel cloud.

  “Twenty-three,” The Temptress said. “Deal?”

  A look of panic came across her face as she saw her husband running toward the house. She nodded slightly. 

  The Temptress smiled and extended her hand. “Deal, and I must say, my dear, you drive a hard bargain.”

Originally from Corner Brook Newfoundland and Labrador, Christopher Butt is a retired member of the Canadian Forces navigating his way to a life of being a writer. His genres include Science Fiction, Fantasy, weird fiction and the occasional humorous piece. He lives in St. Catharines, and you can find his work on his Wattpad page under the name “Buttster”. His short story collection In The Lair Of The Kraken and The Wreckhouse are both published by DarkWinter Press.