It's a Hell of a Job by Christopher Butt

“So, tell me Jeremy, me old son, what are you doing these days to keep the lights on? Still at the brokerage?”

Jeremy Robson hugged Tommy Franks and motioned him to sit at the diner table. As he sat, Jeremy sized up his old friend. Tommy was still tall and in shape, his blond hair slicked back, and he looked like he was ready to hit the clubs. Jeremy sighed and realized that old Tommy still had style.

“No, I left there a few years ago.”

“Really,” Tommy said as he picked up the well-worn plastic menu. After deciding, he asked, “So, with another firm?”

“Actually, I’m in business from myself. I look after individuals who have a special need.”

“Special needs kids?”

“No, nothing like that. To put it another way, these individuals, need help in certain areas. I provide that support.”

Tommy gave Jeremy a weird look as he took in his old friend. Jeans and flannel shirt, the old Canadian tuxedo. The shaggy hair completed the look. To Tommy, Jeremy had just stepped out of his high school yearbook.

Jeremy glanced at the menu, decided, and he called over the waitress. After they gave their orders, Jeremy noticed Tommy eyeing her up.

“That brunette is some kind of hot,” Tommy said as the waitress headed toward the kitchen, “I got to get me a piece of that pie.”

Jeremy closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“So, you and Sara?”

“Splitsville. Sara was great but, once she started popping out the kids, well, you know how it goes.”

“I saw Sara recently; she looked great.”

“Ya, but come on, she’s nothing like she used to be.” Tommy paused. “Now, this girl I’ve been seeing,” he said, making an obscene gesture. “Is smoking hot. I feel like I’m on fire.”

Jeremy nodded without smiling. In his mind, Tommy was racing to the number one position of the top five jerks he knew in life.

“Met her at my dealership. As soon as she came in for the interview, I started to pitch a tent. Hired her on the spot. Soon she was doing top business in the showroom and the bedroom.”

Their orders arrived and Tommy continued to leer at the waitress. She left with Tommy’s eyes on her butt. As Tommy took a bite of his burger he said, “By the way, thanks for inviting me out for lunch.”

“No problem. People got to eat. After I ran into Sara, I thought I would give you a call and catch up.”

“Well, thanks again,” Tommy said through a full mouth, ketchup dripping down his chin. After he swallowed and wiped his chin he looked up at Jeremy.

“What was it you do again? Special need cases?”

Jeremy put down his half-eaten burger and picked up a fry. He glanced around the diner. He waved Tommy to come closer. As Tommy sipped his coke, Jeremy whispered, “I handle demons.”

Tommy choked on his coke and nearly spit it all over the table. Once he got control of himself and wiped his mouth, Tommy smiled and was soon laughing.

“What the hell?”

Jeremy put a finger to his mouth. He waved Tommy closer again.

“You see, demons are real, not some nonsense from the movies. People, usually stupid, use Ouija boards, ancient incantations, or some other shit to call these demons from other dimensions or wherever, usually to deal with someone or something. Once the deed is completed, there is no way to send them back. That’s where I come in.”

Tommy half-listened while he eyeballed a cute red head who'd entered the diner.

“What the hell do they do?” Tommy asked with a smirk.

“Well, they obviously don’t have any skills, so I help train them for jobs, give them a resume, and help them find work and a place to live.”

“You make money from this?”

“After I get them a job, they pay me a retainer each month to look after their finances, pay the rent, and look after their basic needs. They’re demons, they hardly have any social skills and for some reason, can’t pick up after themselves.”

“Well, that’s great, but aren’t they ugly?”

Jeremy laughed. “Of course they are, I mean, they’re demons. However, they have a glimmer effect which hides their true form. You look around and see normal people but some of them could be demons. The postman, the cook who made your burger, hell, it could be one of the sales reps at your dealership.”

Tommy shook his head. “No, I would know.”

Jeremy smiled and ate another fry.

Tommy ate in silence for a minute, a little troubled by the conversation. His friend had gone off the deep end. After a moment he asked, “Now correct me if I’m wrong, but don’t demons have a blood lust of something? What if they killed someone.”

Jeremy was about to answer when they heard, “Is everything ok here?”

Tommy looked up at the waitress. “It would be great if you met up with me later.”

The waitress gave a half-smile and left the table. Tommy turned to Jeremy who answered, “That’s true. However, if something like that happened, the other demons would take care of business. They frown on anyone jeopardizing their new lives.”

“Ya, but wouldn’t the cops find the bodies?”

“They’re demons. There wouldn’t be anything left to find.”

“How would they dispose of the bodies?”

“Not while we’re eating,” Jeremy answered, taking a big bite of his burger. He looked at Tommy’s uneasiness as he chewed.

“How about being an assassin? I mean, that’s most likely why they were brought here in the first place. Couldn’t they make a living like that?”

Jeremy finished chewing and wiped his mouth. “True, but if people don’t know they’re here, how could they be hired?”

“What about the people who summoned them here?”

“Tommy, you don’t summon a demon without consequences.” Jeremy gave an enigmatic smile as he took another bite of his burger.

Tommy stared at his friend. He knew deep down it was all bullshit and that Jeremy was busting his balls, but there was something in his honest answers that made him uneasy. He shook it off and glanced at his watch.

“Ah, looks like my time is up. Gotta get back to the dealership before the new girl usurps my business.”

Jeremy waved at the waitress, who brought over the bill. As she placed it facedown, Tommy noticed a phone number written there. He smiled. He glanced up at Jeremy and patted his pockets. Jeremy shook his head.

“It’s on me. I invited you to lunch.”

Tommy took out his phone and snapped a picture of the number, then stood up. He walked over and shook Jeremy’s hand.

“Take it easy my friend. Come by the dealership, I’ll give you a great deal on a used car. Give you five percent off or something. Plus, come by and check out my new girl.”

“I might just do that.”

Jeremy watched as his friend strolled out of the diner with attitude. He sighed as the waitress came back.

“Are you finished?” she asked.

“No, but he certainly is.”

The waitress cleared Tommy’s plate as Jeremy took out his phone and placed a call. After a couple of rings, a woman answered.

“Sara. It’s Jeremy. It’s all set up. What? No don’t worry about a fee, this one’s on me.”

He hung up and called the waitress back over. When no one was looking in their direction, she lowered her glimmer, revealing a grotesque face.

“Nice job; I knew he would fall for you. Now, the client wants an example made of him. Suffering was high on her list. Usual fee and while you’re at it, make it look like his new girlfriend did it.”

The waitress replaced her glimmer and gave her handler a sinister smile. She returned to work and Jeremy finished his meal. When he stood up to pay the bill, Jeremy glanced around the diner. Several patrons looked up and nodded to him. He returned the gesture as his phone rang.

“Hello, Otherworldly Administrations. Oh, hello Mr. Mayor. Need a message sent? Don’t worry, I know just the individual who can handle that service. As usual, place the information in the drop box, I’ll take it from there.”